Beautiful Destruction

There is beauty in decay

(no subject)
daniel - coffee
It's sad that nothing much has changed since my last lj entry. I read everyday but I really should be fair and also post once in awhile.

The fact that I won't be having a summer break this year is starting to get to me. I just want some time to myself for awhile.

Tomorrow is graduation and fun day so that should be well fun hehe.

End of the semester is sometime soon and then we start J-term. Which means block scheduling and only two classes. That'll be interesting. Sadly I don't really know exactly what I'm going to do yet for those classes , oh well hehe.

I'd very tired today. I had the day off so I could take dad to the doctor and I'm not trying to get some work done, but as you can tell I'm doing great at that =)

maybe I should get some least that comforts me.

I think I'm blah right now.....


I write in lj when I'm avoiding work =)
butterfly eye
t minus 3 days and counting. 3 days until I find out if I am lucky enough to be done with this damn school thing or if I must spend even more money. Here's hoping I don't have to spend more money as I am strapped enough as it is.

If I am lucky enough, then that means i have 7 days from tuesday to do any fixes and changes my committee wishes. oy! they say it gets worse before it gets better, but at some point i won't be able to keep up the pace. Good thing I have a steady intake of coffee to keep me going =) hehe I really need to start going to a gym again...increase coffee and soda intake is not good for my body hehe

Things on the dad front at stagnant. Still a waiting game, at least the worst is over (i hope) it just seems like now it's wait and see what to do from here. Unfortunately the longer we wait the longer I'll have to be the only one paying bills. Maybe if I can be done with the paper my coffee spending budget will go down hehe.

I also need to be planning my summer courses at woodward. Apparently I can teach something fun or that I enjoy this summer, course that means more work hehe. oh well it's always something =)

(no subject)
well things appear to be on an upswing of sorts recently. Dad is doing pretty well and we may be rid of the wound vac here in a couple weeks which will increase dad's ability to be independent and mobile, so yay! We are still waiting on info regarding another surgery to do something about the missing heel bone, but overall things seem well.

My other stress loads have been staying about the same. Everyday it seems like there is something else new I need to add to my thesis which stops me from moving forward and finishing the damn thing. I'm in a pretty good spot at the moment though I think. I just need to sit down and crunch through some data analysis which finding the time to do that is rough. I've been contemplating taking a day off work that doesn't require me to be taking dad to the doctor. Although I do have the next week off somewhat due to spring break. I say somewhat because I am working Monday and Tuesday for some extra cash.

My hair started coming out again though. Maybe the brief lapse was my hair regrowning a bit before falling out again. *sigh* speaking of which I may need to make an appointment with a certain friend of mine to do something with this mess of hair I have going on. It's bugging me and I'm ready for some change of some sorts. Think it's been since last spring or early summer that I had gotten it cut.

Went and saw alice in wonderland this weekend. I enjoyed it a lot. It wasn't the disney story retold, but I liked it the same. It was pretty, although it did jump around a bit, the pace seemed quick. Although I've come to the conclusion I almost always like every movie, maybe I'm less critical then some.

well I should be going home to shower and get ready for another day.

(no subject)
love coffee
since words are failing me in regards to my thesis at the moment maybe I can write here instead.

How is it the end of February? I have been under nonstop stress for a few weeks now (and well before then also hehe). I have really been pushing to finish the edits and such to my thesis so I may graduate this semester. Not finishing up have become not an option to me by my own choice. I need to be done for my own sanity. Living at home has been posing all sorts of fun obstacles to work around. For example I can't just up and leave whenever I get the urge to go work or something and I often have to stop myself while working to go home and do any number of chores. It's not all bad, but I really am getting tired of living my life in hour chunks.

so far news from the doctors has been mixed for my dad. The wound is healing nicely and all that, but the debate on whether he'll be able to use his foot again is still there. One doctor eve outright said they may have to just cut it off and call it good. who says that to a patient?!? So needless to say dad is pretty down and thus his motivation to do daily things is low. This only compounds my guilt I feel for leaving the house to go work on things. I've never been able to work on serious school work at my home no matter where it's been. I usually need to go isolate myself somewhere like a coffee shop to work.

My schedule these past weeks have been wake up, get dad breakfast/meds, rush to work, work, go home, dinner/meds, go to smokey row, work on paper, go home shower, go to sleep, and repeat. Even the weekends I've been waking up early and going and working all day, stopping in the middle to go home and do lunch and dinner/meds and then more working. Needless to say this frenetic schedule has left me feeling exhausted. One day I had 10 different students tell me I looked tired hehe fun times.

At least money issues have subsided for the most part. I've been able to pay all my bills recently so that's good. Although once April rolls around depending on how my dad is doing by then that may change as I'll have to pick up his bills because he'll no longer be getting money from work.

I've been occasionally finding time to hang out with people and escape. Although recently hanging out has involved me working on my thesis while the other person keeps me company hehe. I just keep telling myself once it's all over I'm taking a vacation.

Now if only I could accomplish this much writing on the current section i'm working on hehe okay off I go to try again

thanks lj

(no subject)
butterfly eye
Some how january has started to disappear. It's the 23rd? wtf how'd that happen?

Well I suppose having an entirely too busy life makes time pass quickly. I've gotten adjusted to living at home again. I really miss having my own space, but it's all right. Recently it's been difficult trying to get everything paid. I'm wondering if I'll need an extra job on weekends soon. Which will only take up more of my lack-there-of-time. *sigh*

When I do find moments where I'm not running around crazy all the other things i've been putting on the back burner rear their head and I find that I mostly just sit and feel crippled by the mounting stress and never accomplish anything, which of course only turns around makes it harder to get stuff done.

When I surface on the other side of all this I'm going to need a vacation..... I don't care if it's just me going somewhere far away, but I will need something

(no subject)
eye tear
I'm becoming to feel overwhelmed with all the crap I need to do and get done in the next few weeks and months to come.

well phooey
butterfly eye
my life has gotten turned upside down this week.

Currently I am sitting in the coronary care unit at Mercy hospital watching my dad lay in a bed with his arms restrained and a breathing tube down his throat. How we got here is a crazy. Sunday I went to my dad's to help him mail some bills and such as his foot wound had been hurting him and he didn't want to go out in the snow. I noticed when I was there that my dad was shaky and I asked if he'd eaten. I worried his blood sugar was low. Monday I'm driving home from work and get a call from Lisa (my aunt) saying my dad had gotten locked out of the house for 3 hours and he was talking incoherently and his fingers were blue so she was taking him to the emergency room. I rush to the emergency room. Dad is still talking incoherently but his color had improved and the doctors are taking tons of blood to run a billion tests to figure out what's wrong. They take a look at his foot wound say it doesn't look so bad, run blood tests, etc. Eventually they think he may has sepsis from his foot wound, he was running a fever and his blood pressure was low, etc, etc. We wheel him up to ICU around 11pm, the nurse says they'll come get us in a little bit. Two hours later we are let into the ICU room and I eventually get home around 2am. Sleep for 3 hours get up and head to work for a half day. I skip out of the professional development training and head back to the hospital to sit with dad in ICU. It seemed like everything was going ok, we waited on the foot doctor to come and take a look at his foot. By 9pm he hadn't come and I headed home to get some sleep. Next day find out the foot doctor wanted a MRI of his foot to see how bad the infection was and if it had gotten into the bone. Yesterday when I went to visit dad wasn't in his room because he was doing a hyperbaric chamber treatment. Went home and my aunt went back to the hospital after a late hair appointment. The mri came back bad, infection had gone into the heel bone and they were going to do surgery right away. He went into surgery last night, removed the heel bone and lots of tissue. Now we are waiting to see how the infection clears up, if it's real bad my dad may lose the foot and part of his calf. *sigh* He's going to be in the hospital awhile still.

oyg......needless to say it's been a damn long week. Not only do I have the dad's stuff to worry about, but today is my friend Janna's memorial get together.


(no subject)
butterfly eye
so is it sad that even though I just finished my marathon of work, coffee shop, write till close, go home, sleep, work etc. I still feel compelled to visit the coffee shop? even though for now I don't need to do any writing. hehe

Speaking of the coffee shop, it is ridiculously busy now that it hit noon. Sitting at a table near where the line forms = bad idea, hehe oh well

So I bought a pumpkin last night and now I'm debating on whether I want to carve it or not and if I do want to carve it, what do I want to put on it. I was at dahl's and was just looking at the pumpkins and I really liked this one, so I grabbed it hehe. I'm just not sure what I wish to carve on it. Maybe I'll search around for some templates for inspiration.

Last night I caught my finger in a storm window as I was shutting it...which hurt like effin hell I'll tell ya, missing chunk of skin and everything.....anyway I put a bandaid on it last night and left it on while I showered because the spray of the water on my finger hurt like hell. Well then I went to sleep, this morning I wake up, do morning routine, run to the bookstore and realize the bandaid is still on. Well I go to take it off and my finger underneath has transformed into some weird wrinkly white thing! It's been a few hours and it's still wrinkly and whiteish hehe. Hopefully It'll fully recover.

So btw I turned in my thesis for my non Facebook friends. Now I am just awaiting feedback and things I need to change. Hopefully my professor will say I can defend it this semester and then yay I'll be done! hehe

Not that I really want to be done with school, but the stress of having my thesis while also full time teaching is making me batty.

I fear I may be getting a sore throat, I woke up and it felt weird, but this may also be due to the registers, which cause the air to be really dry , perhaps I'll need a humidifier before too long.

Speaking of humidity, it needs to make up its mind of whether it's going to rain or not! hehe

I discovered they now have higurashi manga at borders, this is awesome =) Looks like they are releasing multiple arcs at the same time, or it's really just been that long since I've gone to the bookstore (and yes it has been a long time, stupid being poor).

round and round
kitty play
feeling very directionless today. I went to smokey row intending to work on my school stuff and I was there about an hour just mindlessly checking website stuff since I hadn't been online for a few days. It was pretty busy and I couldn't really focus enough to do school work.

So I decided to change my scenery and get some caffeine (at the row I got apple cider and soup)and am now at starbucks downtown. before I made that decision though I sat in my car for awhile debating on what to do. I thought about going home and just cleaning and playing around, but I have work I need to do so I was trying to get myself out and about so maybe i'd work.

I feel very lost and like I'm moving in circles. Maybe it's because I'm tired. I had a dream slightly before waking that hasn't left me yet. It wasn't a bad dream but for reason I keep thinking about it.

I think I really want to just sit and read, but I fear I'd feel guilty and bad for wasting my time reading.

oy! it's so confusing inside my head today

it's official
butterfly eye
The coffee shop in my neighborhood is awesome and such. Lots of seating, decent coffee (so far =) heh), lots of food options, and well it's like a block away.

On other news, the stress of everything has crushed me and I've given up on the world....

Okay not quite, but I really really want to heheh. I got an email along the lines of blah blah deadlines blah do something lazy, blah! hehe

Work was a half day today, so that was simultaneously awesome and suck! Having 20 minute class periods seems pointless, you just really get into something and wham it's time to go. But it's also awesome because like duh short classes woo! hehe Although then we had teacher meeting which wasn't that exciting, but then room work time woo! so today went pretty well.

Although I am now very tired, my hair is still doing something f'ed up (facebook status this morning), and my thesis document is peeking at me around the browser window staring me down.

Oh yeah and did I mention I want to go home and sleep and play plants vs zombies and well pretty much anything but write my paper? oh.. I guess I have, like a million times before hehe

Unfortunately I don't seem to have inspiration motivational music on my laptop, it's seemingly deficient.

Okiely dokiely peeps I'm off to like try and do something hehe


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